It seems odd to say that today has been the saddest day that I have ever felt in my life. It also seems odd to say that I hope I never experience a pain like this again in my life. I couldn't even fathom losing one of the closest people in my life. I know that if they suddenly went away my heart would tear in two.
But today, was a pain that I have never felt towards my country and our people. I was in a fog all morning, much like after the election. I was listening to the radio as I got ready. I couldn't believe that a marching band was playing in the background, that the people interviewed sounded...excited. I felt sick. So incredibly empty inside.
I left for work, but decided to stop and get some coffee just near my house. I overheard a man in line ahead of me say this was the worst day of his life. I know and I get it. But I only saw a man, white, with privilege. And even if he understands his privilege, (which he probably doesn't) he will still get to go on in this society without anyone stopping him, or questioning him in any facet of his day-to-day life. But still, I made an exception to feel his pain.
I got my latte and went back to the car. And as soon as I turned on the ignition the radio came back on. I forgot to turn it off. Immediately I heard him being sworn in. Taking the oath that he solemnly swears to protect our country. And that was that. Literally just 5 seconds is all it took. And I sat there as it rained on the windshield, crying, weeping, sobbing alone with the raindrops as they hit harder and harder. I felt so alone. I felt so small.
Where are we headed now? I don't know.